I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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