Define "chronic" masturbator.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
