Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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