I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Mom said you looked used
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
