I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
