There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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