conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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