Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize