Kareoke will never be a sober sport
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
