And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
