i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
