that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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