are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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