My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
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