I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
