Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
