it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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