True but thats because hes a fetus.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
