I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
