So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
