The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
