I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
