The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
