Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
