my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
