Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
