we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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