Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
