She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just had sex on a roof
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
