The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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