he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
