apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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