i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
