You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
