It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
