Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
