my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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