I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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