i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
