One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
