I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize