I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
FUCK WHALES
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
