Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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