Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
