please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you win again, gameday.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
