i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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