whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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