I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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