its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
