Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
