mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
