We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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