Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
These tits shall not be calmed
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
