I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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