You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize