I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
