I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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