I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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