Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
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If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
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Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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