i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
