Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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