he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
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I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
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I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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