Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
