i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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