My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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