Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
